“Marriage inspired by love brings two people together under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part”
- George Bernard Shaw
I am in the midst of reading an interesting book; “The Art of Choosing” by Sheena Iyenger and these words struck me. They actually got me thinking on the success quotient of love marriages vis. a vis. arranged ones.
In arranged marriages, marital bliss is primarily gauged by the fulfillment of duties while for love marriages, the major criterion is the intensity and duration of the emotional connection between the two. Logic suggests that emotional connect has a subjective element while fulfillment of duties is more objective, thus has more chances of success. The expectation levels in arranged marriages also are normally lower. Contrary to that, chemistry quotient and understanding levels may be higher in love marriages.
Besides the basic premise, if you even think from the personality point of view, the people who opt for love marriages may be more individualistic or independent by nature as against people who opt for the arranged ones. My gut feel is that higher the independence or individualism in a person, lower is the adjustment capability which can play a major role in keeping a marriage intact.
Trust me guys, I’m not playing an advocate for arranged marriages..(I don’t advocate marriages in general – I think marriage as an institution is grossly overrated but that’s the current cynic in me so ignore please!)
I would like to know what you guys think. What has a higher success ratio? and your rationale behind it….would love to hear your point of views.
5 comments:
In a sense, I don't care what the success ratio of arranged marriages may be. It's incompatible with my personality. So even if arranged was "better" in some measurable way, I personally can't stomach it.
Btw, I've always felt the same re: your point about individualism.
will let u knww the day i go through one....till thn cheers n have fun
@ Devanshu...Thanks for writing in...and yep...I do agree about the personality point..
@ Amit - so bro, u have decided to go through it alteast! thats gr8 uncle aunty will be mighty pleased :)
Doesn't make sense to have a POV about the success ratio of arranged vs love marriages!
Every one is individualistic as well as dependent. The branding is based on wat his/her top priorities are. A person with career as the topmost priority is branded individualistic while one with 'having a stable marriage' as top priority is branded dependent! I disagree with this kind of branding!
It's true two highly individual persons find it tough to live together, but it's not impossible. It's a qstn of getting one's priorities right. Take two persons who highest priorities in their lives are their respective careers. In future if they do have a clash in their careers, they might part ways! But if one of them has the marriage/life with the spouse as the highest priority then they will still live together. That doesn't make one of them as dependent and the other as individualistic!
@ ACPV-
I too disagree to that sort of branding but am not convinced by ur career logic...
Ppl sometimes do part ways for reasons beyond careers..
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