I am one of them

Some people will prefer conversations with close friends rather than partying with them. I am one of them.

Some people prefer being alone rather than with people they don’t like. I am one of them.

Some people don’t have inhibitions to voice their opinions. I am one of them.

Some people do things which they want to rather than those they have to. I am one of them.

Some people are more interested in talking about the “why it happened” rather than “what happened”. I am one of them.

Some people want to travel but are too lazy to plan trips. I am one of them.

Some people are comfortable to just observe instead of talking all the time. I am one of them.

Some people are more interested in eating at marriages than wishing the couple. I am one of them.

Some people prefer books as gifts rather than diamonds. I am one of them.
Some people just hate discussing about finances. I am one of them.

Some people prefer breakfasts to dinners. I am one of them.

Some people can give gyan to others but are stupid sometimes when it comes to their situations. I am one of them.

Some people have their foot in the mouth moments- often. I am one of them.

Some people don’t like analysis to the point of paralysis of certain incidents. I am one of them.

Some people don’t like to discuss work during lunch even at work. I am one of them.

Some people like conversations with people who can discuss interests beyond work and mundane family life. I am one of them.

Some people can’t resist anything with chocolate. I am one of them.

Some people like to dance on a good dance number, even if alone. I am one of them.

Some people feel that a sense of humour is a helpful trait in many situations. I am one of them.

Some people can distract themselves even out of critical situations by watching a nice movie. I am one of them.

Some people like to keep life simple. I am one of them.

5 things I would save in case of a fire

I have not been writing since ages and a friend asked me this question and it sort of inspired me to write this--so thank you N!

In case a fire breaks down suddenly, what would be the 5 things I would save ?

1. My phone – In the last year, I have become addicted to my phone, especially after I have installed internet in it. From time to time, I have the compulsion to check it and I sort of feel incomplete without it. Just last week, I forgot to carry it to work and I felt really uncomfortable. I somehow managed to request somebody to get it and was relieved when I got it at noon!! The phone also serves as an alarm, a camera, a music system, a handycam, a directory, a reminder list, a calendar, a calculator, a torchlight, a notepad, a chat device (courtesy whats app), internet provider and the works. The best thing being - it’s a simple Nokia – E5. And it has not given up on me in spite of the million times I’ve dropped it!

2. My car key – This year, my biggest purchase was my car! And the one item ticked off from my bucket list was the ability to actually drive it! Not claiming that I’m a pro at it yet – (infact, far from it would some people claim) but I’m glad that I’ve started. I love the feeling when I drive- I feel in control and totally independent and m luving it! So my car key is an obvious second :)

3. My wallet- it has all the essentials- money, debit cards, driving license and all the other essentials….so it’s the more practical choice. If I have them, I can always buy “stuff”

4. A pair of shoes- since I have an inbuilt habit to change from my house slippers to some shoes/ slips on – this would be an obvious choice too ..but which??? hmmm... definitely something without heels; fancy ones will have to wait or burn!

5. I thought and I thought and I thought – and came with no apparently obvious answer. Maybe the latest book I’m reading- if it is really interesting and I NEED to know the end! Or maybe I will pick up the purse lying close to the exit or I will pick up the phone charger if the phone is getting charged ….I really don’t know – depends on the situation.

But what really got me thinking is the fact that there are so many useless things lying in the house...so many things that are just lying there for the heck of it…some used from time to time and some not even used since ages -- with the intention to use it when or if required…I mean all this is just “stuff” -- unimportant/ less important, space consuming and can be totally done away with. This sort of prompted me to go on a de-clutter exercise this year. To remove all the stuff which I have never used in the last year. If I did not need it in the last 365 days, I probably don’t require it. The least I can do is to pass on the same to somebody more needful. To make it more workable, need to put a target date to it. March 2012 seems doable- Amen!

What about you? If there was a fire, what are the 5 THINGS you will save from your house?

Need Less and live more

Most of us want more. More money, more clothes, more shoes, more bags, more cars, more phones, more information, more subordinates, more maids, more vacations, more houses, more jewelry, more gadgets, more kids, more options (in most of the choices)- hell, some of us even want more boyfriends and girlfriends :P (not wives/husbands- mind you!)

But does more money, more clothes, more houses, more cars lead to more happiness?? Somebody mentioned recently that it’s good to want more – it adds more meaning to one’s life. Though I inwardly smiled at the absurdity of the statement, I know that there are many others who think on the same lines. What we fail to understand that "Being more" adds meaning to your life, not "wanting more". And how can you “Be more??” by wanting less.I know sounds strange but only by wanting less – and having a life removed from the unnecessary material goods and the relentless flow of media, you can find a rhythm that can be comforting and sensuous. Think of the “more” time you get which you can spend reading, thinking, innovating – oh yeah, there may be huge benefits from a life more ordinary.

I’m not saying that stop wanting; it’s not possible- whom am I fooling? I am not a Monk who sold my Ferrari. There is no way that I can stop wanting but yeah- what I can do is to reduce the wants/ desires. I don’t like to go shopping- especially to Malls just for the heck of it. I only go if I really want to buy something – that does not mean that today I get this desire and wham! I go and fulfill it. No- I wait, wait some more…only after some time when I feel the extreme need, do I indulge.

Many a times we keep things even if we don’t need or use them- because we’re afraid of what could happen if we get rid of those things/ don’t buy those things. This fear can be conquered through small tests. For e.g. try going without something for just a little while (a day or a week) and see what happens. You’ll find that fears are not as justified as we thought them to be.

The more we focus on living, the less it seems we need. How do we do that? By a gradual shift from caring about possessions and status and goals and beautiful things … to caring about actual life.

Take a long walk, create things, have conversations with friends, snuggle with your partner, play with your kids, eat simple food, read the book you have been wanting to, go outside and get active.

In short, need less and live more. Amen :)

Bol

Saw “Bol” some time back..the hard hitting film comes from Shoaib Mansoor– the same director who had directed the impactful “Khuda ke liye” (which I have reviewed earlier http://mansee-pov.blogspot.com/2008/11/khuda-ke-liye-for-sake-of-god.html) . Bol was equally impressive, if not more. The movie is about a migrated Muslim family in Lahore, headed by the father – an impoverished Hakim who in his desire for a son has raised a big line of daughters. His limited means of income being a major hindrance to feed the endless mouths. At last, his wife gives birth to a son who unfortunately turns out to be a “hermaphrodite.” Though the film initially starts with the injustice of the father towards this “so called son”, it ends up addressing more issues than that. I left the multiplex with questions simmering within me…
Apart from the important yet commonly showcased issues like the intense craving for a male heir, regressive attitude towards women in Pakistan’s patriarchal society and various prejudices perpetuated in the name of religion, the film raised some disturbing questions…
Is murdering someone always a crime? If the murder is committed to remove oppression/ bring justice/ defend or prevent a wrong doing – is it not justified? I am not trying to imply that we should start murdering all the people who are in the wrong / have committed a crime. You can’t do that- after all you cannot take the law in your hands but sometimes the situation demands so. If you don’t take that step, you are allowing a greater crime to commit place- thus leaving you with no option but to commit the crime.
The biggest question which the movie ends with is – if killing is a crime, then isn’t giving birth also a crime? Especially when you are aware that you don’t have the financial means to take care of the child. Forget giving a decent education and up-bringing – if you cannot even provide the basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter, then what right do you have, to give birth to one kid after another? There are enough miserable/ malnourished children already in the world- why do you have to add to that?
In the movie, the father had to commit one crime/mistake after another to hide his first crime. All this in his false sense of “right hood.” There has to be a stop somewhere, where one has to own up to his crimes or the crimes will start owning you. That’s what happened – the father forgot the sense of “right” and “wrong” and got caught up in his web of crimes.
Though there are quite a few shortcomings in the movie, there's an inherent sincerity in ‘Bol’ that compels you to look beyond its shortcomings.
This movie is for a serious audience. If you want to watch a mindless entertainer with mindless violence or romance, watch “Bodyguard” instead.

Is it for real?

A friend recently shared that he had a “drink date” with his chat friend over “skype” last weekend. Both did not talk much – music was on at both their respective homes; just that they were refilling their drinks together. His statement made me feel sad and elated at the same time.

Sad because I felt that was a lonely way to socialize. It is always nicer to share a drink/dinner with a person in the same room as against online. Why elated then? Hmm…many of us sometimes may be surrounded by lot of people we know – family/ friends/ office colleagues etc. But sometimes there is something missing…maybe a connect, which you find with somebody miles away. Why to be bogged down then by geographical differences when we have the advantage of telecommunication.

Call me a traditionalist, but I still like to meet people personally then chat with them over the phone/net/skype. A ” “ over the net cannot compare to a real smile and texting ” X0X ” (hugs and kisses) can no ways compare to the real thing!

Is Less the new More?

“The Art of choosing” by Sheena Iyengar has a chapter dedicated to a study she conducted where it was observed that although extensive choice seems appealing, research shows that it may hinder motivation to buy and decrease subsequent satisfaction with purchased goods. She conducted a study where in a departmental store; she kept a tasting booth of jams. Every few hours she switched between offering a large assortment of jams (24 flavors of jams) and a small one (6 flavors of jams). It was found that 60% were drawn to the large assortment and only 40% to the small one – yet only 3% actually bought a jar from the large assortment and 30% bought a jar from the small one. Post the Jam study, she also conducted experiments on the assortment size. These studies, many of which were designed to replicate real world choosing contexts, have found fairly consistently that when people are given a moderate number of options (4 to 6) rather than a large number (20 to 30), they are more likely to have a choice, are more confident in their decisions and are happier with what they choose.

It is important to have a choice – just imagine, you need to buy a shirt and you go to a shop where there is only one option (quite possible for people on the heavier side like me :- () You come back disappointed (you will buy only if you are in urgent need of one – I have actually done that once when I had to go for the fourth interview in an organization and had exhausted all my shirt options which could go well with the blazer, I had no option, but to buy the single shirt available in my size). But how much is too much? George Miller, a cognitive psychologist has published that the number of objects an average human can hold in his working memory is 7 ± 2. Anything more, it is difficult to process information.

What is your take? How many options would you like? Would it differ? For example, I would like to have more options (definitely more then 7 ± 2) for clothes or books or movies but fewer for financial services (It is difficult to understand one product – how do I find the inclination or drive to understand 20??). Have there been cases where you needed to buy something and got rattled because of the number of options and eventually returned empty handed? Do write in….will love to know your point of views….

The Last Lecture (Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow)

“We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.”

A lot of professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them and give talks titled “The Last Lecture.” What wisdom would they want to impart to the world if they knew it was their last chance? When Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture, he didn’t have to imagine it as his last, since he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lecture he gave on “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”- wasn’t about dying. It was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others and of seizing every moment. It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.

Though the lecture was initially meant for his kids, others found value in it and millions watched the lecture online. Since Randy did not want to take time off from being with his family with the limited time he had, Jeffrey Zaslow – a Wall Street Journal columnist who had attended his last lecture, wrote the story (with Randy’s inputs) that helped fuel worldwide interest in it and later on, became a best-seller. The book is an expanded version of the inspiring lecture which can all be read in a sitting. Alternatively, one can read 2/3 chapters, reflect on them and then move ahead.

Given his shortened life span at the time of publication, the book felt a little rushed. There are some chapters that are little more than a couple of paragraphs with a random anecdote that doesn’t really have anything to do with anything. Some chapters have the style of a blog entry, the book is not actually a piece of literature; it has bits and pieces of generic advice on how to live a fulfilling life (although still true, and still somewhat helpful to put it back on top of the radar). Everyone is likely to take something different from this book. Even if you’re not normally drawn to self-improvement books or memoirs, try this one. Besides being an easy read, it will give you a lot to think about on what your life’s priorities are and what you might say to the people you love if you had to leave them behind.